Archive for the 'Short Story' Category

Where Disappearing Goes

Snow falls. Like sheets suspended and lowered it blankets the ground, ubiquitous. It comes down through the forest, skirting by outstretched branches and their needles and cones. Accumulation hushes the frozen soil, piling on and pressing down slowly, a soft suffocation.

The trees shoot up from the grip of snow, defiant. Their spread, miles in each direction, is incomprehensible, tamed only by elevation in the highest – hallelujah. Each layer reveals the unknown, feared in its own right, but terrifying when uncovered as identical. More and more trees, towering overhead, lain out on all sides as a tunnel without direction, and the only new thing is that falling snow.

It fills the tracks left by the men, passing through the woods. Their breathing and boot steps huff and crunch through the quiet.

One man is sick. He coughs into his fist and rubs the spit into his overcoat. His beard is gnarled and wet.

The other is wide-eyed and determined. He carries a length of rope at one side, and a compass at the other, leading.

The wide-eyed man looks over his shoulder at the sick man lagging behind. He pauses and waits. Hunched, the sick man stumbles forward and then stops. He wills his breath to slow, to cease. He stares at the white ground, listening. Just as he is to become a statue he lifts his weary head and spies his partner.

The two men share a look, and the sick one grunts, wipes a clump of matted hair from his eyes, and waves the wide-eyed man forward with a feeble gesture. The wide-eyed man obliges. Holding back a warm smile, he wraps the rope tighter around his gloved hand and carries on.

Labored breathing fills the air. The journey continues.

If only for a moment. In a slow-motion tumble the fevered man falls over in a heap, billowing fresh powder in plumes. His impact is muted by the mass of flakes infesting the air, jumbled and hurrying towards the floor. He lets out a whimper and his wide-eyed compatriot swivels around to see him.

He is a dog in the snow, barreling toward the fallen man, diving to his side. He grabs him, hugs him across the torso and brings him up and alive. Peering into his face he grabs his doughy cheeks, thick with beard, and implores him to snap back to life. He shakes the man, and the man recognizes him. There is more left in him, but not much.

-

The wide-eyed man places his shoulder against the sick man’s chest, gathers his strength, and lifts mightily. His knees crack under the weight. Each breath becomes a puff of smoke, hanging in the air like wandering ghosts before disappearing into the ether. He stares into the assault of snow and envisions a path sheltered from above, illuminated before him. He lets his boots do the carrying.

At the top of a small rise the wide-eyed man stops for a moment and sees a break in the trees below. The snow has stopped and he can hear the faint trickling of flowing water. Somehow his eyes get wider. They both stand there, resting and listening to the creek below. He releases his partner and stretches his back and legs. The sick man begins to lower himself with the greatest care and sits down. Gathering up his knees he brings his body together and keeps warm. For a moment he just shivers and stares down at the creek.

Looking right and looking left the creek wanders off the mountain and off toward somewhere. The bank on which the men are perched polished off a sizeable portion of open space where the creek could breath free of the hemline of the trees. It is easy to imagine a shovel-wielding god carving out its path, angry at the spawning of the trees and wishing it had never birthed them.

The wide-eyed man gives a long look to the seated sick man. He grips the rope and chews on the insides of his lip, hesitates and then asks the sick man if he is ready. The sick man coughs into the snow sending flakes scattering. Adjusting his legs he does not reply. He stares past the creek on into the darkening forest beyond it.

Kneeling, the wide-eyed man places a hand on his companion’s back, patting it twice, making a dull packing sound against the leather of his coat. The sick man looks up at him and feigns strength. His eyes betray him. The sick man is unconvinced. He is at the end of his line. The wide-eyed man grabs his hand and shoves a shriveled piece of mapping paper into it. He points to the creek on the map. He points to the creek below. The sick man sucks in a deep breath and attempts to hoist himself. His partner rises with him, but he pushes off, claiming independence. He brushes the snow pack from his body and without a word he starts on down the bank.

The flowing water is visible as traveling bubbles just beneath a layer of ice and at open patches along the stream. Up close the frozen engineering is evident – white lines and fissures etched out on the surface in evolving detail.

The men travel along the edge, moving towards the mountains, up and around the rocks resting on the shoreline. At calculated intervals the wide-eyed man kneels down and brushes away some snow from the surface, examining the cold gray world underneath.

Far gone from their initial trail it begins to snow again. The men look skyward. In this open area it’s impossible to tell where the light hue of the sky becomes the falling flakes. They are just there. And as they walk upstream the sick man notices something protruding from the ice, something odd. He looks at his wide-eyed partner with something resembling excitement. Could it be?

At the oddity they strain to see through the foggy surface of the ice. And suddenly it becomes certain. The protruding thing is a boot, and the boot leaps to legs and so on until they see the face of the fallen man. The wide-eyed man gets on his knees and brushes the dirt and snow off the space above the iced man’s face. His eyes are closed and his face has lost its color. His hair is shorn and it doesn’t look the way the wide-eyed man remembers. He places both palms against the ice and finds the iced man’s shoulders. He stares at the blank expression locked in for all time.

Behind him the sick man closes his eyes. He turns away and coughs, puts a hand on his forehead and stares off into the forest. His knees shake and his breathing picks up. He looks back at the wide-eyed man on all fours, catching a glimpse of the iced man peeking through under his left arm. A branch cracks in the forest and leaves its tree. He shudders and shuffles his feet to higher ground.

The wide-eyed man’s stare is broken at the sound. He lifts his neck to the sick man and sees the backs of his knees up the bank. He shouts for him to come take a look, to pray with him and send the iced man on his way, but the sick man shakes his head.

And the wide-eyed man pounds his fist on the ice. He bores his vision through the ice and forces his energies to the man, but the ice does not crack. His beard shakes and his face tenses and reddens as he again slams his fist to the ice. He screams at the man beneath the ice and demands that he awaken. He holds the rope in front of his face as an object of removal, of safety, of aid. He hisses at the iced man that he should be buried at home, even if it means being drug through the snow. He pounds and pounds and pounds his fists at the ice until they are red and numb and he can no longer pound them. He relents, drawing his gaze to the sick man motionless on the bank.

The sick man is holding back tears and inhabiting a world of elsewhere, his glossy eyes fixed in place. His breathing is slow and shallow again, barely perceptible amongst the trickling of the stream and the burking of the falling snow. In his daze he does not hear the wide-eyed man running at him; does not have a chance to duck him as he is tackled from behind. Sick and helpless he is wrestled to the ground, faced pressed into the deep cold.

The wide-eyed man grips the rope with purpose and forces it on the sick man’s neck, pulling it tight against his throat. There isn’t much of a struggle, for the sick man just doesn’t have the strength in him. He gasps for air and thrashes his body instinctually, but the movements are languid and his breaths already choked with phlegm. The wide-eyed man drills his knees into the small of his companion’s back and treats the rope as the reins of a riding horse. Their violence takes them deeper into the snow and exposes the naked earth, concrete and ashamed.

The wide-eyed man’s wide eyes are glossed like the sick man’s and his stare is off in the forest. He holds the rope long after the sick man’s life is gone, until he notices a stain of blood on the snow ahead of him, coughed up in the last of the sick man’s struggle. He lets go of the rope and his body leans backward from his lengthy exhale. He is exhausted and sweating, and so he takes his jacket off and throws it over his dead companion.

Down at the creek he takes a last look at the iced man and nods. He drags the sick – dead – man, his face shrouded with the jacket, to an open slot in the ice and slides him into the water, pushing hard and leaving his feet exposed to the shins. Moving to a boulder near the water’s edge he scrapes a great deal of snow off of it and sends it flying to the frozen creek. It scatters on the surface and covers the iced man’s pale visage. He does the same to the dead man, and then brushes himself free of any snow on his own person. Satisfied, he pulls the compass from his pocket and throws it as far as he can down the stream. It skips on its landing and settles somewhere far out of his vision.

He starts up the virgin embankment towards the new forest, but not without pausing first and saying No matter which way I would have gone, you would have only been a burden.

And with that he wanders into the unknown.

Stumble It!

The Bicycle Fiend

Well, dear Unlimited Freedom Castle readers, once again we are working at half strength.  Kent is in Orlando (Florida) until Thursday, so I’m going to give you a solo piece.  The holiday season is here, and I shall not leave the castle undecorated.  This one is called “The Bicycle Fiend”, and it is based on true events.  I hope you enjoy it.

Love,
Kyle
——

I can’t go outside. I can’t go outside because there is a teenaged Russian boy riding his bike in the streets. He is pedaling up and down the street, pausing at passersby and striking up unwanted conversation every time I come home to visit my parents. It’s enough to make you want to scream! Or hide. I do both.

My stomach tightens into a crushed plastic bag when I see him, and most times even when I think about seeing him. I pace behind my front door, wondering if he is going to yell, “Yo!” at me this time, and thinking that maybe I should wear oversized headphones or fake a phone call. When I open the garage he is circling where the manhole cover would be. I stand there for a second, like an old west gunslinger, but I can’t do anything. I press the button to close the door, and watch the spokes of his wheels spinning victoriously. Yes, I am a coward. I can only assume he is taking a swig of vodka as I try to find another way to get to my car without making eye contact. I feel like I’m under house arrest.

Should I hop the back fence and run through my neighbors’ field? Maybe I can time how long it takes for him to make a lap and scoot out the front door? Or I could just go out there like normal and hope he doesn’t see me? No, too risky. They’re all too risky.

It snowed yesterday, which rarely happens in Gresham, but nothing stops him. I thought for sure he would take a day off, but when I spied out my window, careful to keep hidden, I saw him. There he was, emotionless, skidding over the icy pavement in an endless circle around our street. He continued to ride that bike all damn day, but when he did take the occasional break, well, you should have seen him. Really, it was just how I expected. Like a loathsome cinematic villain, he was posted up in his own driveway, leaning against the garage door and smoking. Smoking. Christ, how Russian of him. It’s the cold war all over again in my front yard.

I decided to go to the store today, and there he was again. It was 10 o’clock in the morning, and he was coming up 27th street, churning those wheel, and wearing his fluorescent purple, pink and white jacket. I wonder if he sleeps? I thought teenage boys, especially on snow days, slept in until at least 11:00. I would have been inside watching Sportscenter if I was 16. Actually, I would have done that today, too, if I hadn’t already watched it last night. Twice.

So, the garage door opens and there he is. I probably don’t need to keep repeating that, but I think it’s important to get you as close to what it feels like. When I press the button for the garage the world goes to slow motion. The door rises toward the ceiling, inch by inch, and the snow-whitened street begins to show. Absent any two-wheeled transportation devices, it keeps rising and I see the trees and a metal street sign, the house across the street, and it looks like the coast is clear. I might be able to make a run for it, and then I see him, in the distance, riding towards me as if signaled by the same frequency that the garage door answers to. He even speeds up! I almost make it, but I’m cornered.

Oh god, what does he want this time? It’s always something different, something that only an adopted Russian child would ask for. The questions are endless, and I, for the life of me, cannot look this kid in the eye. I feel like a terrible person. The guilt is almost as bad as the fear, but I simply can’t bring myself to giving him more than curt answers with a hint of gruff. His blink and stutter are too much to bear.

“Do you have a DVD player I can have?” He sure is forward.

“No, I don’t. I don’t even really live here”.

“What about that one?” he says, pointing to the out-of-commission 5-disc Panasonic player that is sitting on the weight bench which was used for a brief period in, I think, 1999 and then resigned to the garage for use as a poor man’s shelf (which, if it were actually a shelf would have been an expensive unit, so that doesn’t quite make sense).

He’s got me there. I cannot deny that there is one sitting there. “It’s broken,” I tell him. I’m pretty sure it is; that’s not a lie.

“I can fix it”. Dear God! This kid is relentless. I suspect that he does not understand the intricate subtleties of my speech, which I had hoped would give him the message, “I am not giving you a DVD player, even if no one in my family is using it, the thing is still ours. They might share in commie country, but my family worked hard for our broken DVD player AND the other three we have inside!

He’s hovering, feet on the ground, pedal rotating a bit, midway up our slanted driveway. I can’t give him the upper hand. Regaining my composure, I reply, “Look, it’s not even mine, it’s my parents’. I can’t just give their stuff away”.

That will get him to leave, right? That’s logical, isn’t it? I can’t just give away things that I don’t own. I would be an accomplice to stealing, I think. Does this kid want to make me a felon? I’ve had enough.

“Well, can you ask them when they get home?” he suggests, coming even further up our driveway, deadly close to being inside my circle of comfort. My insides squirm about at the notion; my father openly despises the child. The night before my girlfriend flew to California we were all in the kitchen, discussing the bicycle fiend, and he says, “I just ignore him. I just pretend he isn’t there”. HA! There is no way in hell my father will ever give anything to this kid.

I am not my father, so I reply, “Sure, I will ask them,” even though that is a lie. It doesn’t matter, I have yet to actually look at the Russian; it’s a lot easier to lie without eye contact.

“Please, ask them. Will you ask them?” He is incredulous. There is a even tinge of emotion in his voice, and I have to say he is good at faking it. He won’t fool me, though. I nod slightly (the perfect vague answer!) and get inside my car, making sure to lock the doors. Sanctuary. I see him in the rear view mirror, riding down the driveway in defeat…but wait. One of my neighbors is at her mailbox and I can see his trajectory leading her way. Stay strong, my fellow American! The cycle begins again…


Stumble It!

Crooked Creek, Volume 8

This is Volume Eight of the story “Crooked Creek Cut the Valley So Deep”. If you haven’t read the previous seven issues, we suggest you click the “Crooked Creek: A Continuing Story” tab above. Let us know what you think in the comments! – Kyle and Kent

Time: 11 months before the Buddy Anderson incident/accident.

Scene: The Christopher Household near the Even Woods.

It is early evening. November has come and the sun is down.

Inside the Christopher’s house it is dark, except for the ugly yellow light coming from the ceiling above the dining room table. The rest of the house, hallways that lead to bedrooms, the kitchen, and a living room in the background, are in deep shadows. All is still, or seems to be.

As you we creep closer to the dining room, through frosted windows, we see the calm is misleading; there was a storm here. A fork and knife are scattered on the floor, and a plate has been tipped over, spilling carrots, peas and potatoes across the table. The tablecloth is soiled and wrinkled in waves, falling towards the ground and soaking in a puddle of spilt milk.

On the ground, curled into a ball and shivering is Conrad Christopher. His arms cover his face as he scratches his fingers into his scalp. There is blood on the fingernails and the floor. The denim jeans he wears create a dull sort of background noise in the room as his legs shake, making repeated staccato movement across the cold wood floor, scraping their fabric against it. Every few seconds he takes in sharp, loud breaths and exhales with a hiss.

Leaning her hip into the kitchen counter, Judith Christopher, his mother, taps her un-weighted foot nervously on the floor. The light from the adjacent dining area cuts her in half, leaving her upper torso and head shrouded in darkness. If she were a smoker she would be holding a cigarette between the skinny index and middle fingers of her right hand. Instead her arms are folded over her stomach and across a spotless white apron. She is shaking too, but the only evidence of this is the light yellow cloth napkin in her left hand, which is constantly quivering below her waistline. There is a fresh bloodstain spotting the otherwise happy napkin.

As she shifts her weight to her other leg, she looks at the napkin. She stares into the red and yellow, speaking slowly.

Judith: I didn’t mean to hurt you, Conrad.

Her voice is swallowed by her apron and the floor. Conrad continues to shake.

Judith: You needed to stop. You needed to stop that before your father comes home. Do you want him to see you like that? Is that what you want?

The space between Conrad’s breathing grows, and the scraping of his jeans stopped, unnoticed until now, at the mention of his father.

Judith begins to walk to her trembling son, but cannot bear to look at him. She strides along the hardwood floor, passing through the mess that is the wake of her son’s destructive outburst.

Judith: Are you hurt? Do we need to clean you up?

Head resting on his forearm now, Conrad has buried his face in his hands, but can see his mother’s shoes in the slits between his fingers. She is standing over him, still staring at the napkin, which she suddenly folds into a perfect triangle, and stuffs into the large front pocket of her apron.

She clears an area on the floor next to her son and sits down. Her hair drifts in front of her soft face; the skin creased around her mouth and below her eyes from emotional contortions during the years of raising two children. Under the harsh light she is brighter than Conrad has ever seen her before; she appears as an angel. The plume of the apron surrounds her, giving the illusion that her upper body floats off the ground. She kisses her palm and places it on her son’s forehead.

Judith: It was for your own good, Conrad, my little bunny rabbit.

She begins to stroke his head and make loud, deliberate breaths.

Conrad begins to do the same.

Judith: That’s right; deep breaths. Good, bunny. Mommy would never hurt you. It was for your own good.

Moving his hands from his face, Conrad fixes his cool eyes on his mother’s glowing visage. We can now see the fresh blood still running from his nose, and the unmistakable mark of a new bruise beneath his left eye.

Judith sees her work and defiantly looks toward the ceiling.

Drops of blood fall from Conrad’s upper lip to the floor. He notices its puddle and straightens upright.

He speaks with a quavering whisper. It is evident that he does not speak often.

Conrad: Mama.

She does not react to her son’s call.

Conrad: Mama, there’s a stain on the floor. It’s from me. The blood is from my nose and we can’t let father see it. He’ll know I stained the floor!

She keeps on staring at the ceiling.

Conrad: What should I do? Mama? Am I gonna get taken away? Are they gonna take me to the place?

Judith: Just go to your room. Do Mama a favor and check on Kaleb – make sure his covers are tight under him. It’s gonna be a cold night.

For the slightest moment that she can bear, Judith Christopher looks down at her smallish son, lips puffed and quivering in a frown, eyes wide with questions of love inside them, and cracks a teary smile. She reaches into her apron pocket, returning with the napkin that goes straight to Conrad’s face and wipes what is left of the trickling nose blood. He inhales a big gulp of air to clear his nostrils, takes a good look at his mother, and scampers off down the hallway.

With Conrad in his room, Judith lets her mind go numb and works away at the blood stain with the napkin. She is there, but she is not there. The action of scrubbing the floor is violent, but she is off somewhere peaceful, attempting to forget the series of events that brought the blood from her little boy’s nose to the floor in the first place. As she reconciles her behavior she notices a bouncing light coming through the window. She freezes.

The front door swings open and Walter Christopher tramps in, flashlight in hand, and dirt on his boots. He wears a brown leather hunting hat with flaps that cover his ears. An unkempt black beard grabs his tight face and surrounds an ugly mouth lined with frothy spit. Clouds of moisture appear and disappear from his heavy breathing in the cold air that entered the house with him. Immediately he notices his wife, the blood, and the mess.

His booming voice fires saliva and thick fog into space.

Walter: Again? Doesn’t that boy know he’s on his last length of line here?

Judith shudders.

Walter stomps toward the hallway, his feet sounding more massive with each angry step. He is a terrifying steam engine, heat rising from his bulky body, and piercing the air with his growling horn.

Walter: That’s the last time! You know where they send boys like you, don’t you? Stupid little ape-boys like you go where they never can come back from, Conrad. You’re goin’ there now, boy. They are on their way.

—–

On his belly, eying the blood and pebbles in his hands, Conrad Christopher hated himself for how he’d gotten there. Fleeing from from the old man in the delivery truck, he had glanced backwards to his assailant and tripped over a mossy rock, smashing to the ground, and skidding headlong towards Crooked Creek. As he got to his feet, he was snatched up from behind by his shirt, pulling tight against his heaving chest.

The old man bellowed, “You know where you’re goin’, don’tcha, boy?”


Stumble It!

Crooked Creek Cut The Valley So Deep, Volume 6

This is the sixth issue of the serial story, “Crooked Creek Cut The Valley So Deep”. We recommend you get caught up on the previous issues, by clicking the tab above labeled “Crooked Creek: A Continuing Story”.

Pitch black. The space surrounding Conrad Christopher was pitch black. It was the kind of darkness that you needn’t close your eyes to have a nightmare. No matter, he needed sleep, and the trauma he’d brought into his life – into the world – was buried so deep that the nightmares would not come. The results of his playful push were inside his guts, tangled in his muscles, but not yet processed in his brain.

He dreamed, though. Oh, did he ever dream. His dreams were extraordinary. They kept him safe; they kept him alive.

In his first dream, Conrad was running through the tall grass next to the Crooked Cliffs, only its jagged rocks were vibrant blues and greens, jutting straight up to the sky, to outer space. And so he started climbing, his hands tinted turquoise, towards the Moon. With each movement upwards he grew. He was a giant when he passed Everest, and he could see the earth below as a map that he would never need again. He would live out his years in space, where no one could ever find him, because he didn’t need those other people. They were nothing to him. And when he got to the moon he could not stand on it, because his feet had outgrown it, so he floated between Venus and Mercury, using the sun as a lighter for a comet-sized cigarette, that he puffed on to his massive heart’s content, because no one could tell him not to. He was the master of his own universe. And just as he was about to flick the Earth into another galaxy he thought that maybe he might go explore – that maybe it was a better idea. So off he set into his great unknown, hoping to find more giant cigarettes, a baseball field where he would hit the highest, hardest, longest home runs, and hopefully a planet full of naked women. He would go there first, just so he could say he’d been.

click to enlarge

Curled up, cushioning himself with what little forearms he had, Conrad drooled. The wet mouth of his dream was reality. In a nook of the real Crooked Cliffs, brownish and mossy, Conrad was able to sleep with a roughshod ceiling over his head. As he wandered through the valley in the hours after defeating the electric fence, he’d had only this one preference for his sleeping arrangement. With walls to his back, and a roof overhead, he was able to rest assured. And rest assured he did. To anyone, animal, human, or otherwise, he was a small boulder, an extension of the floor itself.

He cycled through sleep and dream with envious ease, exhausted from the unexpected exploration of his homeland. The one thing that was missing was a torment on his mind: perhaps, an image of Buddy Anderson lying face down, blood trickling from his forehead and staining the creek bed. It was inside him somewhere, the documentary footage of it all, but it wasn’t playing on any screens that Conrad could see. There were too many other important things right now to let those thoughts awake.

Sleep.

In another simply brilliant dream, Conrad was the size of an ant. No longer a giant, he rode down Crooked Creek on a fallen leaf. Grabbing on to its stem, he held tight through the torrent of white-water and waves the size of buildings, buildings that Conrad had heard of but never seen; any of which, in their hurried up and down, could have capsized his frail vessel and sent him tumbling into their freezing waters. But he wasn’t scared. No. Conrad was a beaming captain, seeking danger, cheating death, and sucking down the finest skull-marked pirate’s booze. He gulped it down with glee, unsure of its taste, but sure that it was his. And in his surprisingly sober state he looked to land just as the waters were calming. He’d come to a slow patch of the creek, near the tree where he and Buddy Anderson began this story.

On that patch of land, Conrad saw himself, the real him, the life-sized regular boy, crouching down near another skinny boy, but taller, with raven black, stringy hair. Ant-Conrad gasped, the memory punching him hard in the gut: this was the day that Kaleb had run away. The boy whispering to his dream-shadow was Kaleb, sharing secrets of his days ahead; to the coast, to the ocean, he would journey. From his floating leaf Conrad watched his older brother put an arm around him, and he could feel it on his shoulder, reddening his face, and relaxing his thoughts. Kaleb looked him dead in the face, and made him promise that these secrets would never leave his lips. Not to no one. Never Mom and never Dad. Never a soul. Never tell them where he was heading. It was the only way he’d live. His new life would start that night, away from Even, breathing the salt-air into his fading lungs, and swimming. Swimming in water that went past his knees, unlike the soiled, pathetic waters of Crooked Creek. The Coastline would go as far as his eyes could see, no longer trapped in this shithole Valley, this bumfuck town. I’ll see you in your dreams, Brother.

The make-believe brain of his miniature self sparked with inspiration. There was no use captaining a ship, even a fallen leaf, back and forth on Crooked Creek; there was no danger, no reward, in that. What a captain needed was the fuming, frothing sea, and the challenge of open water beckoning death and riches for all who heard its call. With a swig of liquor and a cocksure puff of his chest, Conrad Christopher strapped his boots tight and headed for the Wide-Mouthed River and onwards towards the Ocean.

Brightness. Sunlight streamed into his nook, its heat stirring Conrad from the dream. Far away from his parents’ home, from his own warm bed, Conrad’s dream echoed in his head, and it made sense. He would run away, too. To the only place he knew to run to.

From his place near the cliffs he could see the entire Valley, but it meant nothing to him. He stretched his growing arms and legs; the aches of a rock-hard sleep torturing his muscles. And with his mind on a dream, Conrad jolted up with a bolt of lightning, running back towards Crooked Creek, hoping it would lead him to wherever the Coastline kept going as far as he could see.


Stumble It!

The Last Time We Ever Met

A hollow drum beat echoes in my head, and the wood of the stairs is slick against my shoes. Putting my hand on the rail I can see that the blinds are drawn, but open enough so that the interior light glows onto the porch. Other than that the night is black out here, and it’s getting to me. Fallen, crushed berries are staining the deck as I tiptoe towards the back door.

She’s in there and the television is pale blue. My brow begins to sweat. I notice that my breathing is quick, shallow, catching the heavy air that surrounds me. Leather gloves on my hands make my palms too warm. I stop for a moment to take them off and let my hands feel how cold the air is tonight. My eyes are dry so I close them and massage them with my naked fists. When I open them again the television is off.

I tell myself I have to put the gloves back on. I can’t do this without the gloves on. An owl hoo-hoots in the trees beyond the second level of the backyard. There is a forest back there, and that’s where I will hide when this is all over with.

If I hadn’t cut the power, there would also be light coming from the pool that sits right below this deck. It’s a beautiful pool in the daytime, but at night its underwater lights come on, and I can’t stand the way it looks. As the light drowns I can hear it moan, and what little escapes is disgusting for me to look at; it reminds me of ghosts, hovering. I am pale just thinking about it.

Angry, I pinch the skin on the underside of my wrist. I’m losing my focus, and when I move my tongue across the undulations of my teeth I taste my mouth and it is foreign.

I see her; head tilted back, mouth open, on the couch. This is the way she falls asleep after watching whatever movie she rents on a Friday night. It used to annoy me. She would never turn the television off, leaving the DVD menu repeating on the screen, with its looping title song on until I came downstairs. Now she lays there with the microwave clock going to 1:47 with its digital, Listerine green. She was thinking of me when she pressed the off button on the remote. I know it. I shake out the stiff blood in my veins and put my gloves back on.

As I put my hand on the doorknob the sound of the world around me fades out, but the drum beat still throbs inside my skull. I can’t get it out. It’s fake, mechanized, digitized, but soft enough to have been born, which confuses and excites me. How it came to be; how it found its place in my head; why it plays on; I have no answers to these questions. It just plays. Twisting the knob, the drum beat forces my motion. My hand shakes a little and I wonder if I can go through with it. The endless beat tells me that I can. That I will. It drives me forward, and I am helpless to its control.

On the downbeat of the newest measure I slowly open the door, and the now freezing outside air whirls past me and makes my neck hairs stand up. Standing in the doorway I see flashes of the hundreds of times I’ve walked through it before. It’s a rush that throws me off balance, and my nostalgia colors the room gold as I snap my gaze to her. I rub my eyes again – gloves on – and the sparkles and stripes that stay in my vision make her magic. I want to find out if she really is, so I walk towards the couch and stand directly over her. Staring into her soft open mouth I ask myself, again, if I can still go through with it?

I don’t have a chance to answer. The beat has turned the room red, and tells me I must. I whisper something private to her, and head towards the upstairs bedroom. That is where I will find the man who put this incessant beat in my head.

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Crooked Creek, Volume 5

Click the tab above labeled “Crooked Creek: A Continuing Story” to get caught up with this ongoing saga.

Waves crashed on the jetty, and from his bed Kaleb could hear their violent splashing. He had come to the coast for many reasons, but the only one that came to satisfy him was the consistent ebb and flow of the tide. Even in its most violent moments, the water calmed him, and washed over the burn of life. Lying, alone in his bed, with woolen sheets pulled tight to his chin, he broke the sound of the waves with a bloody, hacking cough, and deep, wheezing, basement-furnace breaths. As he choked on his own air he gazed though his dirty bedroom window upon the same moon his younger brother was running towards.

Autumn had set in, and the storm that socked the coast was the first sign that it was going to be a cold, careless winter. Things weren’t looking good for Kaleb, who was barely able to keep himself from shivering to death with what blankets he had to cover his tree branch body. When you sneak out of your parents’ home in the middle of the night, you pack lightly, leaving the extra blankets in their closets and cupboards.

He thought a little about his mother. Back in Even he would have had someone to fix him a bowl of soup, to hold his hand as he spit his mucous into its bowl, and to kiss his forehead goodnight. That was long-gone now. And perhaps on this night, he would have been left alone as his parents began to realize that darkness had come and Conrad had not.

With another body-shock cough, the pain searing in his lungs, through his spine, and into the soles of his feet, Kaleb feebly lifted his covers, craned his neck as far as he could, and looked down at his knees shaking. Laughing at him from their untouchable distance, he felt their humiliation and angrily shouted for them to fall in line. He could not stop their constant side-to-side. He concentrated hard, wishing he could will his knees back under his control. Harder still. Closing his eyes, he squeezed his fingers into fists, holding his breath to force out any strength he’d kept in reserves.

Come on.

His pale face began to flush red and the veins that showed through pulsed, but barely.

Stop shaking.

He squeezed his fists tighter and his whole body shook.

COME ON. PLEASE. GOD.

His lips parted into a jaw of clenched teeth and he squealed with pain that shoved itself into every part of him, but when he opened his eyes again his knees were still shaking – a train coming off its tracks. Again. He’d been this shaking conductor many times before.

Exhale.

Air fleeing to the ceiling, all the jumbled energy in Kaleb’s stretched and tightened parts disappeared as his bones fell back into their mattress depressions. He did not close his eyes, but they fell shut anyways. Whatever strength he’d had wouldn’t be back for at least another week. That’s how he’d come to know his sickness. He knew it well, and he followed its rules.

When he opened his eyes again, he stared down towards his feet; the covers still trembling where his knees hid underneath.


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Crooked Creek, Entry #4

Click the tab above labeled “Crooked Creek: A Continuing Story” to get caught up with this ongoing saga.

After running, straight-out for three miles, Conrad stopped to catch his ever-escaping breath. He had passed a line of trees and he could no longer see the outline of his home. He smiled to himself; for the moment he had forgotten exactly why he was running, and was excited by how far he’d made it without stopping. He hunched over with his hands on his knees, winded.

Inches from his face, protruding from the ground was an ant-hill, whirling with the tiny footsteps of its inhabitants. His smile grew wider. A line of ants carrying pieces of a fallen apple were making their way to the gaping entrance to the hive. He let out a laugh – the ants were so tiny; how could they carry these chunks of apple that were bigger than they were? As they disappeared into their home, Conrad’s eyes darted to the bottom of the hill again. This time, there were two large ants carrying another ant. They moved slowly – with a careful stride that their apple-moving peers had lacked. He saw that the transported ant was dead, with a gash in his thorax and missing two legs. His ant-brothers in arms were bringing him home in solemnity it seemed; perhaps reciting silent prayers, or constructing Formicidae eulogies in their heads. Conrad smashed the three with his boot, and set off running again.

Back at the bend of Crooked Creek where Buddy Anderson’s dead body lay, nothing was happening. The birds still chirped, the wind was blowing, and the insects weren’t on him yet. His parents would look for him soon, but until then his body would be kept fresh by the breeze. The blood in his arms was still fluid, but unmoving.

As the day began to grow dark, Conrad Christopher was looking over his shoulder roughly every other step. He had convinced himself now that he was being chased or hunted. Although no one had seen what happened to Buddy Anderson, in Conrad’s mind everyone would know. He had not yet come to realize that his thoughts were confined to his head, and not broadcast on a signal that was picked up by radio stations. He assumed his mother could read his mind, but he was just a terrible liar – his ticks and sweaty palms gave him away.

It wasn’t long before he came to a fence. It was a climbable fence, with an electric wire, but nevertheless a climbable fence. Conrad was familiar with electric fences. He had been tricked into grabbing ahold of the charged wire on the Anderson’s property a few years before, and he felt that same sting as he stared down this new fence. He cringed and paced with an anger that had surprisingly only just now entered his body. The weight of his situation had finally found him, and he was overwhelmed. The energy flowing through him was a pure rush of frustration – the sort of thing that a caged animal resorts to when it realizes the walls around it are real and immovable.

Conrad began his fit.

He raged and swung his arms like out of control bullwhips, slashing at the air. He pulled at his hair and screamed, muffling his cries as he shoved a fist into his mouth and bit down, blood trickling from the backs of his hands. In an instant he was on the ground, pulling at the grass and weeds, slapping at the dirt, and pounding his spit and tears into it. He slapped himself in the face, and gritted, pulsing, fuming “why, you stupid fuck? You fucking retard.” His chest was a malfunctioning puffer-fish; inflating and deflating almost instantaneously. The sounds coming from his throat were raspy and grating; a mucus fueled gravel that had scared his mother in similar episodes. On the ground, out of adrenaline and gasping for breath, he stared at the fence. Behind it the moon was a see-through white disc on the hazy horizon. Conrad Christopher picked himself up off the ground he had attempted to destroy, and, shaking his foal legs, coiling them for release, he sprinted towards the fence in a glide, using his left foot as a spring board he leapt for the second rung of the wooden boards, just above his electric enemy, and as he found his footing he swung his other leg to the top and bounded over to the other side. It was a distinctly new form of grace, but he did not dwell on it. His eyes on the horizon, he ran towards the moon.

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Conrad Christopher’s Fit

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Crooked Creek No. 3

To keep up with this continuing story, check out the first and second installments.

If you had ever seen Conrad Christopher run, you probably cringed. His bowlegged strides looked more like a newborn foal than a 12-year old boy; 12-year old boys are supposed to run like silverfoxes over dirt roads, speeding past imaginary linebackers or scalp-hungry Indians. This is not to say that Conrad could not run – he was just an ungraceful-looking tornado of limbs. After finding himself next to the cold, blue body of Buddy Anderson, Conrad Christopher decided he’d better run like there was no tomorrow.

He didn’t have a plan. Thinking too much had gotten him into this situation, so he figured the exact opposite could get him out. That’s the trouble with young boys (and most people that find themselves in a lurch); it’s never about finding the best way to solve the problem, it’s about the quickest way. The pressure of the problem squeezes so tight that the first solution to squirt out is the only solution. It’s only later that the person finds themselves sitting in a ditch, surrounded by the better ways they could have handled the hard times. That’s all beside the point, though. In this case, Conrad Christopher’s life would change whether he found himself in a ditch, on the side of the road, or on his own doorstep. People have a way of treating you different when you might have killed someone.

Before he ran off, Conrad was treated just like the other boys in the town of Even. This was a mistake; a mistake in the sense that he was not like the other boys, and should have been cared for in a special way. You could tell from the glazed-over look in his eyes, and the way he would hum to himself. The world was too big for him, and he would just stare at it, trying to make sense out of all the colors and shapes. He had taught himself over the years to bring it in to focus, slowing everything down and deciding just how to go about living in that world.

Some people are just wired differently, but the folks in the town of Even decided to call Conrad inbred and stupid instead of letting him feel okay being who he was. These words weren’t beyond his understanding, and when he could hear the whispers (and shouts) he would get angry and close his eyes. He closed his eyes a lot around Buddy Anderson. It’s hard to say if Conrad’s eyes were closed when he shoved Buddy into Crooked Creek. Sometimes, in a matter of force, a person will close their eyes without knowing it, in a sort of automatic reaction. Either way it could be said that Buddy Anderson deserved a knock-down; he’d had it coming in a balance-of-the-universe way of things. However, no one would argue that Buddy deserved to die.

Little Conrad Christopher

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The Rules of Backyard Warfare

She is in the Trees

Sit down; it’s going to be okay. Everything is going to be okay. Just calm down please.

The instructions were so simple that she could not comprehend them. She wanted to slam his head against the table, pull his brains out, and slow-cook them in a mango sauce. The taste sat on her tongue as she struggled to free her wrists from the makeshift leather handcuffs.

Look, I know you don’t want to be here. Stop doing that. Will you please stop doing that? You’re ruining the carpet.

Pieces of fuzzy shredded carpet were floating in the air from the violence of the solid oak chair legs thrashing the ground. She had a sock in her mouth, and her feet were bound to the front chair legs as well. She pictured him, on the ground, his faced bloodied from knuckles to the cheeks, with her hands in his mouth pulling molars with a pair of pliers. In her mind he was fully awake, tasting the metal as she twisted each tooth from its soft, warm home. The images grew more vivid as she felt herself loosening the ankle straps.

I’m going to let you go. I promise. Just tell me what was going on back there.

She held her place for a second; the air in the room suddenly filling the holes she left – abrupt silence. In this instance she breathed in deeply through her nose and sent a muffled scream as loud as she could through the wall of the sock.

Oh, yes, the sock. I’ll just…

Hesitant, he forced his trembling hand towards her face. She sat, breathing quick and shallow like a cornered cat, ready to pounce. The relative quiet of the room could not have been more loud. Inside the man’s head were the high-pitched cries of thousands of ear cells dying. A bead of sweat dripped from his nose. He took the sock from her mouth and it was wet like a dog’s toy. For a moment he was paralyzed by her eyes. The death stare of her green irises. He caught himself entranced and scurried away.

See, I’m a reasonable guy. I’m not gonna do anything stupid. Tell me who else is out there, and we’ll get this all straightened out.

She was really moving her ankles around now. He didn’t notice; all he could see was her closed mouth, absent a sock, and those piercing green eyes. They were just so out of place. Inside her mouth she was methodically running her tongue over her teeth, measuring the size of her canines, and arousing her instinct. As he waited for her to speak she found the last knot in the leather. The ankle straps separated and eased off to the floor, but she kept her heels pressed together just in case.

With her escape a sudden certainty she let the man contemplate his next move. Her breathing slowed, and she closed her eyes. In the next moments, as he waited for her to speak, for her to send some signal of defeat, she began to wonder where a man like this might keep his pliers.

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Crooked Creek: A Second Installment

This is the second installment of “Crooked Creek Cut the Valley So Deep”: a (hopefully) continuing weekly story. There is no real outline for it yet, but maybe it will go somewhere. Stick around to find out…

Conrad Christopher was not one for making decisions. He could spend an afternoon deciding which hill to climb, and just as he’d made up his mind the sun would disappear behind it. It never posed much of a problem; his mother saw her boy in thought and thanked the good Lord he had a working brain. However, this disability would prove most inappropriate as Buddy Anderson settled to the bottom of Crooked Creek.

As Conrad paced the shoreline – wondering whether he should fish Buddy off the bottom himself, or run into town to find someone stronger – Buddy Anderson was unconsciously swallowing enough water to drown. After several minutes of debating the pros and cons of each he decided he could still be the hero. He was too late. Plopping to the ground with the body at his side, Conrad could think of only one person: himself.

Sitting there, unable to commit to any of his new choices, Conrad Christopher’s mind wandered off into his immediate future. Mostly he thought of the bruises he would receive from his father, but he also pictured the shame that would walk with him through town. He thought of these things as Buddy Anderson’s future fled from the world.

If Conrad knew what it was to feel regret, he might have been sick to his stomach. It is a common thing among young boys to forget (or to have never had it dawn upon them) that their actions may bring unwanted consequences. Had he seen the rock, lying just below the surface, waiting for that very moment when it would cease to be a rock and become a killer, he might have stopped mid-shove. In this imaginary hesitation, Buddy, still on dry land, might have suffered a pinch of the crawdad’s claw, thrown it back into the creek, and ran home clutching his bleeding index finger.

The thought of what might have been was too much for Conrad Christopher. Instead of letting his own future be determined by someone else, he made a quick decision; the first of his young life.

Crooked Creed #2

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